Ali and Patrick

Ali and Patrick

 Married: November 27,1992

We were introduced to Ali and Patrick by Toni and Lisa (see 9/24 post).  Over the years through that connection we have become friends.  As a vet, Ali introduced us to our beloved dog Ruby and in his capacity as a lawyer, Patrick helped us navigate a tricky situation.  We have decorated Easter Eggs, gathered amid a menagerie of pets to watch election returns in their home, and celebrated birthdays.  They and their two young children were among the family and friends who gathered to surprise me on my 50th birthday (a highlight of which, was having those two kids sing "Happy Birthday" to me in Chinese).  

Ali and Patrick are typical of a lot of young families today in that they are completely progressive in their social lives, but very conscious of the values of tradition and family.  While they each adopted the other's last name, joined and hyphenated, in a thoroughly modern way, they expect their children to refer respectfully to adults as 'aunty' and 'uncle' in the traditional Chinese manner (Ali's mother is from China).  

It has been a delight to watch their two children, Quinn and Elliot, grow up.  Both, in their own distinctive ways, are intelligent, sensitive and thoughtful children.  Ali's facebook posts of car conversations with the kids truly knock me out, these children are always thinking about and observing their world. They are growing up with the knowledge that Aunty Toni and Aunty Lisa are married, they are a couple, and it makes no difference to them.  As they get older they are more aware of the controversy surrounding the concept, but personally, they only care that Lisa and Toni are people who love and care for them.  

With all the pressures on families these days, the last one people should be worried about is the impact same sex marriage will have on the children....from personal experience and observation I know this is a non-issue...all kids care about is that there are adults in their lives who genuinely love and nurture them, who cares what gender they are, when they have a cool fish in the fish tank (Lisa) and like to dance (Toni)?  Kids will only have a problem with same sex marriage if their parents do. 

Taylor and Peggy

This is Taylor and Peggy

Married July 2, 2007

This is our nephew Taylor and his wife Peggy at Josh and Liz's wedding, where we had set up the sign for the evening.  

These two have no trouble being lovebirds...I don't  know many couples who are  as perfect for each other as they are.   Seriously.... I have heard of few wives who are as passionate about football as Peggy is, a dream come true for a young man whose high school and college years were dominated by the sport.  But theirs is truly a marriage of equals and it is obvious they have enormous respect and affection for one another.  They also know how to have a good time.  I am thrilled for the baby they are expecting: there's going to be a whole lot of love and fun growing up in this family... and support, no matter who that child falls in love with!

Here's another football player making some noise about same sex marriage: Chris Kluwe

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/20/sports/football/punter-chris-kluwes-voice-is-heard-in-same-sex-marriage-debate.html?pagewanted=all

For All

For All Promotion

For All comes from the creative minds at Zeus Jones, a Minneapolis firm that is rethinking the model for marketing and branding.  This year they decided to take on the Vote No initiative and produced these bright orange rings, taking the ubiquitous charity wrist band to a new level by making it a marriage band. Brilliant.  

I'm told they spent many hours packaging all the cards and rings themselves and they give them away at no charge.  My friend Angela and I stopped by their office (there's a designated entrance) to pick up our rings, but they are available from their website and many local business are joining in and have them available too.   

 http://www.zeusjones.com/blog/2012/taking-a-stance-in-support-of-gay-marriage-a-different-kind-of-passion-project/

Josh and Liz

This is Josh and Liz

Married October 20, 2012

This is our son Josh and our lovely new daughter-in-law Liz.

We fully intended to take this photo in their wedding regalia.  We even relocated the Lovebirds sign to the reception in hopes that they and their guests would take their pictures and show their support for the Vote No initiative by posting their photos.  But as these things go, we were all having so much fun, we forgot to get the photo and had to do a quick pic the morning we were off to drop them at the airport...so it's still dark and a little rainy, but that's life, right?  Best intentions and life interventions.  So it goes in a marriage, too, you make a lot of plans and have many expectations, and stuff happens.  A sense of humor helps.  If nothing else, these two have this going for them...they know how to laugh.

As I said, Josh and Liz were enthusiastic about bringing the sign to the wedding.  Many weddings celebrated this year are including a "Vote No" component to the festivities in an effort to call attention to the inequities surrounding the proposed amendment.  In fact, we recently attended the wedding of a young couple, dear friends of Josh and Liz's, in which the entire wedding party wore small, elegant white ribbons to show their support.  

It feels like such a small, passive thing to do, wearing a ribbon or putting up a sign, but it is so important to do it...reaching one or two people at these intimate events could start a wave of changing attitudes.  I have hope.  The best conversation I heard about from the wedding reception involved the bride's father (see John and Nancy post) and went something like this:

Guest: "What's that sign about?"

John:   "It's voicing an opposition to the proposed marriage amendment."

Guest: "Are there gay people here at the wedding?"

John:   "Listen, if every gay person had a light bulb over their heads, you'd need a welder's

             mask to see them!"

Birchwood Love Birds!

Vote No Cookie from Birchwood Cafe!

Stop into the Birchwood Cafe in South Minneapolis and get a delicious cookie and show your support for Vote No!

WOOT! WOOT! WOOT!

 http://www.birchwoodcafe.com/

Find out more at:
https://www.facebook.com/BirchwoodCafeMpls

John and Nancy

John and Nancy:  Married since 1974

These are our soon to be in laws, John and Nancy.  Their daughter, Liz, is marrying our son, Josh, in one week and we couldn't be happier about it.  This really is the best of all possible worlds: one in which we all get along!  Josh and Liz are ideally suited to each other and as parents we truly love and respect them both and have enjoyed watching their relationship grow and mature.  We often shake our heads in wonder at our extreme good fortune in that we all really do LIKE one another and enjoy each other's company, Nancy and John have become dear friends and we know how rare that is.  

The idea of "In-Laws" got me thinking and I did a little (and I mean a little! ) research into the concept, and there have been a lot of rules that have come and gone that define this extended relation status and I think it reflects the current marital uproar we find ourselves in. It all revolves around the idea of affinity... relationships that arise from a 'valid' marriage in the Catholic church and the prohibitions regarding future marriages within those relations, as far as I can tell.  It's really complicated.  It seems to me though, that as our culture has advanced, and scientific knowledge about human genetics has evolved, many of these rules have become obsolete.  

Having recently accompanied Josh and Liz to get their marriage license, I witnessed them swear that they were not closer in blood relationship than second cousins, though it seems that that is not necessarily an impediment to marriage.  (Interestingly, one does have to indicate whether or not one is a convicted felon).  So, it's no longer an impediment to marriage if your intended is the daughter of your step father or having intercourse with someone, not your spouse, does not bar you from marrying their sibling.  I found it especially interesting that the church could grant a dispensation and allow certain marriages to take place, despite the bans decreed by affinity: "...it is also clear that the Church used the ability to grant dispensations from the rule as a means of gaining both power and money from the nobility, as most royal marriages, given the limited circle of families involved, breached these limits."  (Wikipedia)  

No wonder people are confused about what constitutes marriage, when all the ensuing relationships have been made so complicated, confusing and are ever changing, with roots stemming from Mosaic and Roman Law, but with special consideration made for the wealthy and powerful....hmmm.  It seems apparent that there were different sets of moral law applied at the whim of church leaders.  Why are people still looking to Leviticus to define marriage, when clearly we live in a different time and place?  The legal rules regarding marriage, and divorce, for that matter, are more equally applied to both parties these days, so it seems a little desperate to be reaching back so far in history for a ruling on the issue.  

So back to the coming nuptials: 

We are looking forward to the marriage of our kids, David and I not only gain a daughter, but a whole family, we are bound by the marriage of Josh and Liz, through love, no matter what the current law says about it.  We have so much to celebrate!  We hope someday all couples and their families can celebrate in the same way.

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Bob and Noreen

Bob and Noreen were married July 4, 1996

Bob and Noreen were born and raised in South Dakota, home of that most famous of presidential monuments. They have a deep love for the Black Hills, where they were married on the most American of all holidays: July 4th.

Having met when they were young, they reconnected as adults when both had migrated to the Twin Cites, where they still live. The pull of the Hills is strong, though, and they return there several times a year to reconnect with family and friends, but also with the rugged and beautiful landscape.  South Dakota may not be known for being particularly friendly to 'liberal' ideas, but folks who live there are fiercely independent and proud of it.  I know that Bob and Noreen fiercely believe that it is wrong to create law that denies some people rights that others receive without question.  I know they also fiercely believe that love is love no matter what your gender orientation and that everyone should be able to enjoy the benefits of marriage and that extending these rights to all couples doesn't threaten anyone's particular relationship,  but would create a stronger society overall - one in which all families can thrive.

(I had to include all the photos I shot of them because I think they just speak volumes about who they are:  thoughtful, intelligent, playful people who enjoy each other and bring those qualities to all their relationships.  And yes, Noreen, they are cute).