Patricia and Darrell

...just one last thing

Darrell and Patricia

This is my sister and brother in law.  I like to think of them as unconventionally conventional, or conventionally unconventional: in some ways they are a typical American family, and in others they are definitely not.   They have four grown children who are all unique, intelligent adults who are following their own paths,  forging their own way in the world. (See Taylor and Peggy post) Theirs is a lively family, and I've always marveled at the creativity and humor that is at the heart of their family dynamic.  

Patricia and Darrell posed for this photo at Josh and Liz's wedding.  When I asked Patricia about posting their photo, she said emphatically "Go ahead! Power to the people!"  She wasn't sure about Darrell's feelings about the Marriage amendment, maybe he hasn't made up his mind.  But this is what I am encouraged about: he enthusiastically posed with his wife, gave her a big smooch, and was not shy about being a LoveBird.  What could be better?  The world needs more LoveBirds!  

I wanted to close this out with something that Patricia and David's mother was fond of saying:

'Kindness is to do or say the kindest thing in every way"

The kindest thing to do is to 

Vote No.  

Everyone has the right to be LoveBirds!

Angela and Jason

On the eve of the vote: the final Lovebirds

Angela and Jason, Ian and Ada

Angela and Jason wanted to make this a family portrait because they want their children to grow up knowing that gender shouldn't be a reason why people can't marry.  

I love this little family and I love these kids.  So much has been made about the potential affects of this vote on the children,  but I think people underestimate kids.  Not much gets past Ada, she is sharp and pretty tenacious, I have a feeling she won't suffer fools...I like to think she is the smartest kid I know, but it seems I know quite a few really smart and thoughtful children...kids are curious, they want to know about the world, and answering their questions succinctly and honestly is generally the best plan. Kids can tell when grownups lie or are evasive.  If kids respond with anxiety, it is probably not because of the information in and of itself, it is because they know they are being lied to, and don't know why, and by someone they trust.  

I'd really love to see this book everyone has so much fear about, the one about the kid with two dads.  Ask any of the kids who heard the story, I bet the only thing they care about is whether it was a good story or a lame one.  Even little kids know a good story when they hear it.  Is the little boy in the story happy?  Does he have an adventure?  Do his parents take him to the zoo or the park?  Does he go to school? Have a dog?  Sometimes books that are meant to teach kids about a sensitive subject are just plain boring to kids.  The part of the story that makes the parents squeamish, the two dads part, is just a detail, albeit an  important detail, but perhaps not as important as the big dinosaur or the talking cat in the big hat.  

When I was a child, my 3rd grade teacher read the Boxcar Children books to us. The books were about some kids who lived in a boxcar in the woods and had no parents at all and they survived very well and had very exciting adventures.  (I can't imagine these stories being read to children in school today, people must think they are inappropriate now). I don't remember being particularly disturbed by the fact that they had to fend for themselves with no parents at all, I just loved the adventures!  There are probably a lot of children whose family's are less than ideal, who wish they too, could live unafraid without grownups who are cruel.  Despite growing up in traditional families, kids can still feel that their family is different for any number of reasons.  I think kids are concerned that the characters in the story survive no matter what the situation, it makes them feel more secure about their own lives.  If that kid does ok, then I might be ok too.  Kids read all kinds of stories when they are young, some with one parent or two parents, or none.  Cinderella and Hansel and Gretel had terrible parents, but these stories are considered classics, and the kids triumph over the neglectful grownups.  The one with the two dads is just another story to children and they probably don't understand what the fuss is all about, especially if the parents in question are kind.  If the story is good in their estimation, they'll ask to hear it again and again, if it isn't, they won't.   End of story.

Ali and Patrick

Ali and Patrick

 Married: November 27,1992

We were introduced to Ali and Patrick by Toni and Lisa (see 9/24 post).  Over the years through that connection we have become friends.  As a vet, Ali introduced us to our beloved dog Ruby and in his capacity as a lawyer, Patrick helped us navigate a tricky situation.  We have decorated Easter Eggs, gathered amid a menagerie of pets to watch election returns in their home, and celebrated birthdays.  They and their two young children were among the family and friends who gathered to surprise me on my 50th birthday (a highlight of which, was having those two kids sing "Happy Birthday" to me in Chinese).  

Ali and Patrick are typical of a lot of young families today in that they are completely progressive in their social lives, but very conscious of the values of tradition and family.  While they each adopted the other's last name, joined and hyphenated, in a thoroughly modern way, they expect their children to refer respectfully to adults as 'aunty' and 'uncle' in the traditional Chinese manner (Ali's mother is from China).  

It has been a delight to watch their two children, Quinn and Elliot, grow up.  Both, in their own distinctive ways, are intelligent, sensitive and thoughtful children.  Ali's facebook posts of car conversations with the kids truly knock me out, these children are always thinking about and observing their world. They are growing up with the knowledge that Aunty Toni and Aunty Lisa are married, they are a couple, and it makes no difference to them.  As they get older they are more aware of the controversy surrounding the concept, but personally, they only care that Lisa and Toni are people who love and care for them.  

With all the pressures on families these days, the last one people should be worried about is the impact same sex marriage will have on the children....from personal experience and observation I know this is a non-issue...all kids care about is that there are adults in their lives who genuinely love and nurture them, who cares what gender they are, when they have a cool fish in the fish tank (Lisa) and like to dance (Toni)?  Kids will only have a problem with same sex marriage if their parents do. 

Taylor and Peggy

This is Taylor and Peggy

Married July 2, 2007

This is our nephew Taylor and his wife Peggy at Josh and Liz's wedding, where we had set up the sign for the evening.  

These two have no trouble being lovebirds...I don't  know many couples who are  as perfect for each other as they are.   Seriously.... I have heard of few wives who are as passionate about football as Peggy is, a dream come true for a young man whose high school and college years were dominated by the sport.  But theirs is truly a marriage of equals and it is obvious they have enormous respect and affection for one another.  They also know how to have a good time.  I am thrilled for the baby they are expecting: there's going to be a whole lot of love and fun growing up in this family... and support, no matter who that child falls in love with!

Here's another football player making some noise about same sex marriage: Chris Kluwe

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/20/sports/football/punter-chris-kluwes-voice-is-heard-in-same-sex-marriage-debate.html?pagewanted=all

For All

For All Promotion

For All comes from the creative minds at Zeus Jones, a Minneapolis firm that is rethinking the model for marketing and branding.  This year they decided to take on the Vote No initiative and produced these bright orange rings, taking the ubiquitous charity wrist band to a new level by making it a marriage band. Brilliant.  

I'm told they spent many hours packaging all the cards and rings themselves and they give them away at no charge.  My friend Angela and I stopped by their office (there's a designated entrance) to pick up our rings, but they are available from their website and many local business are joining in and have them available too.   

 http://www.zeusjones.com/blog/2012/taking-a-stance-in-support-of-gay-marriage-a-different-kind-of-passion-project/

Josh and Liz

This is Josh and Liz

Married October 20, 2012

This is our son Josh and our lovely new daughter-in-law Liz.

We fully intended to take this photo in their wedding regalia.  We even relocated the Lovebirds sign to the reception in hopes that they and their guests would take their pictures and show their support for the Vote No initiative by posting their photos.  But as these things go, we were all having so much fun, we forgot to get the photo and had to do a quick pic the morning we were off to drop them at the airport...so it's still dark and a little rainy, but that's life, right?  Best intentions and life interventions.  So it goes in a marriage, too, you make a lot of plans and have many expectations, and stuff happens.  A sense of humor helps.  If nothing else, these two have this going for them...they know how to laugh.

As I said, Josh and Liz were enthusiastic about bringing the sign to the wedding.  Many weddings celebrated this year are including a "Vote No" component to the festivities in an effort to call attention to the inequities surrounding the proposed amendment.  In fact, we recently attended the wedding of a young couple, dear friends of Josh and Liz's, in which the entire wedding party wore small, elegant white ribbons to show their support.  

It feels like such a small, passive thing to do, wearing a ribbon or putting up a sign, but it is so important to do it...reaching one or two people at these intimate events could start a wave of changing attitudes.  I have hope.  The best conversation I heard about from the wedding reception involved the bride's father (see John and Nancy post) and went something like this:

Guest: "What's that sign about?"

John:   "It's voicing an opposition to the proposed marriage amendment."

Guest: "Are there gay people here at the wedding?"

John:   "Listen, if every gay person had a light bulb over their heads, you'd need a welder's

             mask to see them!"

Birchwood Love Birds!

Vote No Cookie from Birchwood Cafe!

Stop into the Birchwood Cafe in South Minneapolis and get a delicious cookie and show your support for Vote No!

WOOT! WOOT! WOOT!

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